Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
