Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
