I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
