hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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