drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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