I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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