oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
