I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh god the rape fog is back!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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