I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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