Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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