why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
