did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
