he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
