Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
