Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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