If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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