The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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