So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
