I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
