I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
