My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
