So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
