We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
