apparently the secret to your success is patron
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
