the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
