girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
someone owes me an orgasm
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
