She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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