If i come over, it means nothing
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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