I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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