I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
