I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
