i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
