i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
