explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
