by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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