We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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