Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
