I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
