he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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