So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
