So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
