When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
