Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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