Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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