I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
