its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
