the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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