Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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