no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
