Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
