ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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