Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
