So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it's like iHOP with fire
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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