Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
