Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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