Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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