also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
