I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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