So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
